 lost in the river of time a strawhat on the boat  |
 river cruise as the shapes float by as the time floats by  merging into HERE and NOW the river and I  |
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China, trip to Keilin, Guilin 桂林
The journey starts here !
Keilin 03 ... The Grottoes
My Photoalbum of the Keilin Trip
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3 comments:
やはり桂林は良いですね。
sakuo
merging
into HERE and NOW
the river and I
Comment from a friend, and thank you so much for your kind assessment:
This is a beautiful, well crafted haiku, Gabi-san. And yes, it is
classical as far as the way you have written it, sound-wise, but is also innovative in what it has to say and with so few words.
Calls to mind the Zhuangzi (a Taoist text) and the way it influences Basho, Buson,Issa,
and others in years past. And it was Basho, that revolutionary Basho, who defied the popular convention of his day, seeking to elevate haikai into a higher art form. He knew his craft, didn't seek to redefine it or make it into
something it wasn't, but instead, worked within the medium, and gave it new breath.
I like your haiku because:
1. It is well crafted
2. Has good metre
3. It shows a respect for the haiku genre
4. It has something to say and with more than one dimension of meaning
Your haiku also, come to think of it, reminds me of the novel,
Siddhartha, where the Buddha meditates, becoming one with a river.
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merging
into HERE and NOW
the river and I
From a discussion elsewhere:
Gabi-san writes beautiful zen haiku, but I think this is probably more mainstream from the Kerouak era.
A.
... ... ... ...
I too recognize Gabi san many gifts. . . especially her energy . . .
It seems to me there is usually a problem if the first layer of a haiku isn't concrete. Since Intuitives tend to like Monet we often have a difficulty with this first layer, but I feel it is usually needed in haiku. But for me that's never enough. I want some larger inplication.
Gabi san's is high in the later but a little low in the former. Maybe this is okay. It may depend on the reader and if each may resonate with an image of his/her own. I find it both pleasant and a little hard to have one for this haiku.
As I focus and watch my 'inner haiku movie' I see an eddy in a river almost opaque with sediment, It's rather olive in color, but with water's shining surface. The eddy catches the sun whirling bits of light on down the current. . .
N.
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Thanks you all for your valuabel comments!
GABI
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